The Issue of Trust (from a mother's perspective)

By Cleora Williams

Why don’t my parents trust me, I haven’t done anything wrong?




As a parent, a mother in particular, as I reflect on the above topic, I can immediately think of several reasons why mothers sometimes, do not trust their daughters, even when they claim that they have done nothing wrong.

Uttermost in my mind is peer pressure: the need to impress, wanting to fit in. As mothers we watch you our daughters and we see your vulnerabilities: wanting to be like the other girls, we see it in the way you dress, in your speech and all the other mannerisms that we sometimes frown upon. We see the light in your eyes when a particular boy is near by. And, so we are concerned and we worry that you, our daughters will want to fit in or maybe you will want to impress but we hope that you will remember what you were taught.

Another reason we may hesitate to trust you is, your need or longing to do it “your way”. But as mothers where is the line drawn? When should we intervene? Should you, our daughters have to feel the fire in order to believe that it burns? Why not trust Mummy who may have been burnt a few times herself? So herein, lies a problem mothers wanting to hold on and guide their daughters, and daughters pulling away from mothers saying “why can’t you leave me alone, to live my life, don’t you trust me?”

And finally, another reason trust may be missing in a parent\child relationship is a child’s desire to experiment. I remember as a teenager, on the rare occasion when I was allowed to attend a school dance in my small settlement, I took full advantage of my temporary freedom. There were times that I found myself in situations that I knew if Mama could see me now I would be dead. When Mama would ask, “So how was the dance, what did you do?” I would casually say, “It was ok, I didn’t do anything”

So nowadays when we ask our daughters, “How was the party? or “How was Port Lucaya, what did you do?” and we get a shrug of the shoulders and the age old reply “It was ok, I didn’t do anything” our antennas immediately goes up. We know that our daughters are curious, also in most cases we know you (our daughters) would rather ask a friend or in many cases experiment and find out the hard way. So as your mothers we are afraid that you would get the incorrect information from a friend who is probably equally as curious as you and equally as uniformed. So when I hear it was ok, I didn’t do anything, I look again and ask are you sure?

They that trust in the Lord shall be as Mount Zion, which cannot be moved, but abideth forever”. Psalms 125:1

So, I say to you our daughters, trust in God, put Him first in all that you do. And to parents, mothers in particular, remember if you train up your daughter in the way she should go when she is old she will not depart from it.